Day # 17

No site updates. Busy, busy, busy.

School...as uneventful as ever. What else is new? I'm going to spend Sunday through Monday at Bryn Mawr, to get more of a feel of the college. Exciting. I'm kinda worried for some reason, though. It could be because of the fact that I have to miss some school and I think the tiniest bit of falling behind would kill me. Ugh...paper due Wednesday on Neverwhere. I love the book but our teacher...well...the way he teaches I suppose will be much like a Professor teaches. He expects for us to...learn for ourselves, which is understandable, considering the fact that it is an AP course. Basically, we're open to write a paper about anything based on the book. As zany as I am, will I be able to stay on topic? Will I be able to CHOOSE a topic in the first place? Geebus.

Another thing that worries me about the Bryn Mawr gig is the social aspect. What if I completely close myself off from my guides? We're supposed to be going to a class with some of the students, to get a feel for the vibe within classes and whatnot. They're even going to give us time to speak with some Professors. I've attended several events at Bryn Mawr and...yea. Stuff.

Not only will I be missing school on Monday, I'll be missing Physics (who cares about gym) on Friday to do some sort of speech thing at Swarthmore College. Right now we're focusing on vectors. At first, I was HORRBILY confused. Then slowly, but surely, (after placing my sketchbook aside and actually making an effort to pay attention - XD), I understood it. I feel like the TWO days I'm going to be out will be all it takes to fall way behind. It's that class I'm worried about the most. English is my stronghold (though I will miss the end of the Neverwhere flick and discussion, darn), Statistics is kind of like DUH, and screw Team Sports. But Physics is crazy crazy math poop. Yes...that sounds intelligent. Kinda like Bush. XD

I surprised myself and sat down to watch the debates tonight. And all I have to say is...Bush is a fool. I was cracking up the WHOLE night. I think students in my school are more intelligent than he is. Sad, sad. Mrs. Farrell would certainly fail him. He repeated himself 500 million times. I was almost crying with laughter. Tsk, tsk.

Another night and NO phone call!!! WHY?! Possibly, because I'm a pushover (occasionally). Another reason could be because people like to hold grudges and then deny it. Apparently I'd dismissed her phone call at some point. This has been the second time, however, that she has done this to me to "avenge" herself. Ok, we're long past even. GET OVER IT. Sheesh. Normally, I'd be really pissed right now, but there are plenty of things to counter that at the moment. I'm still pretty giddy from laughing at Bush. And then there are lovely, lovely friends who draw beautiful things for me, just because they appreciate/miss me. That would be...two nights in a row that I have discovered/been given gift arts. My eyes were getting all teary and everything. Thanks Kafu, and Max. I love you ALL. And to think, they are SOOO far away. *sniffles* That's something special.

Sleep is also pretty special. And I need quite a bit of it at the moment. *sigh* This month DID go by pretty quickly. Imagine what lies ahead. Wish me luck, good night.

Day # 16

Nothing. Perhaps I should work on my site after school instead of sleeping. But 1am phone calls do tend to wear you down... XD Don't worry. It's too cold and uncomfortable in my school to fall asleep during classes.

Nothing special about today. Suprise, surprise. Uhm... Yea. I really can't think of anything that stuck out today. Oh. Yea. That thing. Well, I'm still involved with Partnership in my school. As always, it hasn't been a very diverse club, even though those who make up the diversity in the school are the main attendees. Meaning the club is flooded with the black kids of my school. I find it very awkward to be around them, which is kinda sad, but they just act so foolishly sometimes. It's like...they have this wonderful school available to them, and they really don't make that much of an effort to take advantage of that. But...whatever floats your boat. You would think we ABC girls might be an inspiration to them, but instead, most of the time, we are treated like a threat. Most of us anyways. I dunno. Maybe that's just because of my cautious nature. They have been known as an untrustworthy group, which is sad but true. We've had so many occasions with other girls talking and plotting behind our backs. And that would be why I have avoided that whole social group altogether. But it's ok. I'm quite content with the small group of friends I have. I was nominated to be Secretary for the club. Big whoop. Still, I'm supposed to be the President of another club and I really haven't a clue what to make of it. It was meant to be a club to promote acceptance of diversity, but really, there is already a club of that type. At first I was thinking of merging with the other diversity club, SEED. But when I talked to the potential Vice President, she was very opposed to that, and said that merging the club would destroy a tradition. Whatever. That's just something else I hope to make sense of soon.

Uhm...I will be inducted into the National Honor Society on Wednesday. Yay, something to feel smart about. One more week until SATs. I am so psyched. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Twenty-three days until homecoming! THAT I really can't wait for. It's driving me crazy waiting all that time and it makes it even worse when phone calls are missed. ¬_¬ Sheesh. It was never a promise, but I'm still disappointed. EH. Damn curfew. Good night!

Day # 15

Someone missed the 2,000. Why do I even bother? NO ONE CARES! I guess I'll save it for deviantART or something. I did do some fixing of the site. Somehow, after screwing around with the css, managed to get rid of the double scrollbars, which I'm sure were pretty annoying. Yet, I couldn't tell you how I didn't because it was a bit of a mistake. So yea. I added the site page which I'd assumed was already here, but obviously not. Hmm...I may need to add anchors to push to the top now...

School...bleh. I have to take SATs again way too soon. I feel so unprepared... October starts on the 1st! Twenty-four days until homecoming...WOOT. School is so boring these days. Suprisingly, sometimes I look forward to gym. Depends on what we play and how often I'm actually ACTIVE during the games. I've been going to lunch all this week, but not with the girl who'd invited me. I wonder if she'd be insulted if she found out I was at lunch? Doesn't matter. I'm sitting with the Korean and Japanese exchange students and another girl, American of course, who freaks me out a little. Before, when I first forced myself to speak to the Korean girl and Japanese girl, I thought I wouldn't be able to make friends with them. But then sometime last week I just sat with them and reintroduced myself, and we've been cool ever since. They're nice. She thinks my poofy hair is cool, cute. WOW. I still miss my old buddy though. It's so odd to walk up to the fourth floor and to not see the old bunch breakdancing up there. Meh.

Some things I find myself still clinging to, though I really have no business to, and it really wouldn't do me any good. Like the old crusheroo. I don't really feel anything for him anymore, can't. It's just odd because now someone I know is with him and...that never was the case. I feel like I might have looked like I was glaring at them today. But truth of the matter is, it was kinda sunny and what reason would I have to glare?! I have my darling! I feel like writing names. And yet, it'd feel wrong. I wonder...is IT happening? Or is it just inane (SAT WORD!) teen lust? *shrugs* I feel sooo happy. Like I did before. Yay.

Uhm...there was more to write, but my brain is filled to the brim with...thoughts that don't belong there...and the high is starting to wear off. I'm tired. Even though I took a nap today. Bedtime! G'nite.

Day # 14

No site updates. Sorry. Hmm...the site meter seems to be progressing quickly these days... Don't forget the magic number!!! 2000!!!

School. I'm SO getting sick of it. And the first month is nearly at its end. Maybe it's anticipation, anxiety, to get all this crazy, hectic crap out of the way. I think for now I'm handling it rather well. I dunno.

Today...was weird. The 27th is usually a red letter day. Red because of bloody hell. Boys...shoo...unless you want to know of bloody hell. Don't worry, I won't go graphic on ya. Just...the emotional side effects for tonight. I was perfectly fine earlier today, puffy hair and all. Then I went to the community art center and it all went downhill from there. By the end, I was feeling completely drained of all creativity and...happiness. So I came home, was ridiculed because of the poofiness and the lack of the damaging effects of a perm, and wound up going outside to the porch to cry. I was already emotionally unstable, so it didn't take much for them to push me off the edge. When I saw someone coming, I moved to the couch and stifled myself between two pillows and that's when the tears really started. Then I just sat there in silence, thinking of why I was feeling this way. After study hall, I was fine again.

I don't know why this happens. It happened earlier this month, but I think that was for other, although somehow similar reasons. But in this case, I'm pretty sure it's all part of PMS, intense mood swings. Though the fact that I didn't get to speak to him yesterday might have helped. And tonight, it's happening again. And it pisses me off. She's not being fair at all. Great, something else I have to deal with. *sigh* Ugh. Blessed was the internet... But I'm somehow becoming detached from the communications [i.e. AIM] part of it... Damn you, telephones. And blessed be.

Gibberish. Nighty.

UPDATE: GASP. She said GOOD NIGHT to me. I take it she was in a good mood... Love is in the air... XD

Stuff

... Need I say more?

I really don't know what to name these things on the weekends. So yea. Today I had to go to a leadership meeting for my boarding program. Really...I'm starting to feel forced into it. X_X I have no clue what I'm doing there, really and truly. But anyway...

PAIN. Yes, my legs still hurt from the mile. And to think, if I want to pass gym, I've got to do it again. I need to ask him if I can get credit if I keep a log of my training and...stuff.

I feel like my schedule is starting to become inundated (SAT WORD!) by all this college stuff. I NEED AIR!!! October 9th I have to take the SAT. Again. If I get the same score for the THIRD time, someone should have me shot. I'm kidding. But I'll be upset and will feel like the biggest dumbass. Again.

Once that test date is over with and done, there is ANOTHER in November for the SAT IIs and then in December, the ACTs. I don't feel the weight of college essays. Yet. But before then, the main thing I'll be worried about is HOMECOMING!!! Whoop whoop. Because darling will be coming down. Yay. I was so shocked when I asked my parents. I got more or less of a "whatever" response. It was VERY shocking. But yay. I can't wait.

Over and out.

Bang, Bang - He Shot Me Down

There is nothing new. Kay? I need to stop being lazy. Like, now. And not just because of this thing.

Today...we went paintballing. If there is any time I can claim to have good aim, it is in that game. It is a great game to manage anger, if anything. But boy do those suckers hurt. I was shot in the neck TWICE and once in the arm and back. Oh yea, and in my lip. Tasty. Lucky for me, for whatever reason, I don't bruise so easily. I really can't remember the last time I had a bruise, actually. For the first time ever, we played against strangers. It was a pack of LITTLE boys (probably 10 to 15) mind you, and they shot all seven of us down in less than 5 minutes. Pathetic. Still, it was fun. If I ever get to play it again, I shall wear a neck brace. When I got hit in the arm, it didn't hurt half as much. Those little boys were SERIOUSLY going for the jugular. Ouch. As soon as we got home, after a shower, I went to sleep. Everyone else went to a party, so it was NICE and peaceful, and remains as such.

Actually...I'm feeling kind of lonely. I could go to my friend's house but... Where is my f***ing phonecall?! I'm going to go...sulk or something... Even though I SHOULD clean up my room...and study. Pathetic. Toodles!

Day # 13

I'll be uploading the next layout now instead of in October because Max wanted me to. n_n So if you see anything that isn't working, that's probably why.

GASP. It's a Friday and the 13th day of school! And yet, today was not so horrible as yesterday. I can't hold grudges to save my life. I guess you can call that a good thing. Today we ran the dreaded mile. My time was pretty close to my estimate, which was 12 minutes. @_@ I ran 11:20. I am such a cow. All the muscles in my thighs hurt. ALOT. And I didn't quite expect that. My biggest problem with attempting to run a mile, besides the fact that I'm so out of shape, is that I can't breathe correctly. I felt like I was going to chuck up just thinking about the fact that I had to run around the football track four times. Of the two black people (out of three) that came to class today, the male was the first, and I was the last. XD Eh. I suck.

Other than that, I can think of nothing else to complain about. Keep a look out for the new layout and be sure to SIGN THE GUESTBOOk. Because you know, you never do that.

Day # 12

THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN EDITED TO REMOVE ALL OBSCENITIES.

Nothing has been done with the site. It, along with many arguments in the past few days, may be key factors to my slow decline of sanity. I appologize ahead of time if any foul language appears in the following entry. But it does work so much better than caps in terms of emphasis. And let me tell you,

I F***ING HATE PEOPLE. I promise, that's the last of them, unless damn, hell, or ass offend you too. Today became the worst of the year so far as it progressed. School wasn't so bad until third block, gym, when we had to swim. Water means hell for black hair in its natural form, in case you missed that speech in the last entry or so. Yes, unlike what might be close to 90% of the black community, I am one of the few females to have gotten a perm. And everyday I see these chicks flicking it around, light as a feather, smooth, shiny, and COMBABLE. But I'm over that. That's not what pissed me off today.

Of course, I don't want to fail gym, so I did what I was told, or tried to anyway. I can't swim. I was choking so much. He was telling us to do all these different types of strokes and whatnot, and each one took me further into the afro zone. My hair takes centuries to dry. I can't just stand under the dryer like all the pretty little straight haired girls. Uhm...I hope I'm not offending anyone with this. So anyway, I had to finish off the day with wet hair. I cut a club meeting because I couldn't deal with that for fifth block too. So I went home and blow dryed my hair for like the first time in ages. It is so much work, and to no avail. My hair is so coarse that sometimes I feel like I'm going to cut my fingers on it. Mom...how do you do it?

Ok. So I got over that. Like I said before and will say time and time again, there is no one worth impressing in this school. I do feel better about myself if my hair is presentable, but whatever. I'm gonna try to have one of the girls in the house braid it up for me. Hopefully, she is one to finish the job. Otherwise her fee shall be reduced. Slowly but surely, I began to get a migraine. I don't believe I spelled that correctly. Big deal. Then, after study hall, there was nothing offered to cure it, except for perhaps being able to talk to my bf for a bit. And by a bit, I mean a BIT. Once again, the Sophmore came to interrupt my phone time. So, she wanted to call her mom. Of course I was stalling, asking her all kinds of questions. And then the DOGmatic Aries gets involved, the other senior. Somehow, over these years, she's gotten the idea that she has authority over me and all under her in this house and that I do not have the right to speak up for myself. She said something to the effect of, "Don't be tryna get bold, I know I'm bold." In other words, "I'm the bit** and I'm the only one to have a say in this house, and it takes precedence over all of your opinions." Sure, from an outside view, she was defending the sophmore, because I was trying to get over. But to kill two birds with one stone, she was also trying to order me around. In the past, I have been pretty passive about that, but because of the people in this house in the first place, I have learned to become agressive. I feel like I dismissed my bf in the rudest way, and I wish I could appologize, but I was so f***ing pissed. Oh...my bad, that's two.

Within the last week, he has had to endure me screaming over the phone at someone else, in my own defense, and guess who the matador was? This has been an issue from day one. She was confronted by the other girls at some point about it, about her talking to people the wrong way (her friends seem to accept it), me in particular, and she still won't f*** off. Ugh. Third time's the charm. I had to jump into the shower to calm my nerves. And as always, tears are my most extreme form of venting. I am not ashamed. It is not a weakness. To be weak would be to back down. Tears are really not so different from perspiration, so I shed them as often as I need to.

If there was anything good about today, an old friend finally came to his senses. And another was reintroduced in my inking class. I feel like so long as I'm out of this house, be it at the art center, my friend's house, or elsewhere (school is excluded), there is peace. But when there are weeks like this, I just want to go home. And now that I have something else to cling to, even more so. Damn you, October. Get here already. I love you just the same November, when gym will finally be over and done. December, January...June. I know they say they'll be here all too soon, but I have yet to feel that. I'm going to call my fams tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to collapse of anger. Well...sleep will help. Good night.

Day # 11

I have been doing NOTHING with the site for the past two days (Actually I was up until two last night messing with it which is why the know page is different). Why? Because once again, the urge to sleep beckoned me to my bedroom to lie down and unfortunately not to do some EXTREMELY necessary cleaning (No, I still haven't unpacked). Maybe tomorrow. Oh wait...it IS tomorrow.

Well then, today will be oh so horrible. I have to swim in gym class, and if you do not know how hazardous wetness is to black hair, particularly in its natural form, you should think of it as an explosion. There have been some minor explosions due to rain and a lack of caution in the shower. But hey, who cares? There is no one to impress here. I will, however, be wearing a skirt for what feels like the first time ever. Why? I might as well take advantage of all the hardwork that goes into shaving. Because it is OH SO FUN. And then there is more great news from gym class - we get to run the mile on Friday! EXCITING. This is one of the rare moments that I feel obligated to pray for rain. I am SO out of shape. So Friday is doomsday. I know our teacher is gonna nag me about not running to fit his needs. UGH. He is SO happy when I actually hit the ball in soccer and everything else because it's rare. But running...sheesh.

I have no sense of coordination on a full body scale. This means that I am unable to play sports and to dance. I do like video games, though. XD I do get the urges to dance, but then the fact that they like it dirty just drives me away. And dancing is basically the only point where I'm actually concerned about making a fool of myself. It's sorta the ultimate social situation, parties and dances. People keep telling me, "You're surrounded by a bunch of white people who can't dance...you'll blend right in." Even if that is the case...yea. Maybe I'll feel more comfortable in the arms of less spontaneous company. Time will tell...hopefully.

I can think of nothing else to write. Oh yea. Don't you hate it when you're put on hold and then dropped? ¬_¬; I'll get over it, a'course. G'nite!

Day # 10

Yep, I'm gonna miss the date. Oh wells, no biggie. I didn't work on it at all today because I was dead tired. Tomorrow is another day.

I slept from 2:30 until 6:15. I love being able to sleep, though I feel horrible when I think how much of my life is wasted. The average person spends approximately 24 years of their life sleeping. Lovely. I wonder if missing gym today had anything to do with my lower energy levels. I'm pretty sure I get the same amount of sleep every night, so that was the only thing missing today. I was seriously about to drop off in Physics, especially with the pendulums and all. Stuff.

So with sleeping the day away, nothing particularly exciting happened. Another cursed house meeting destroyed my opportunities for the phonecall and then I had a mountain of dishes to manage. Fun fun. Yep... That will be all.

Day # 9

Still working on that layout. It's kinda slow though since the internet goes down every five seconds. I MISS YOU SO MUCH OPTIMUM ONLINE!!! And my admin priveleges too. McAfee, however, can go to hell. XD Yea. So in Photoshop, positioning is becoming kind of odd. It seems inaccurate somehow. I hope I haven't slipped up somewhere in the code to cause that to happen. Yea, so whatever. Hopefully the hicups will cease. Fall begins on Wednesday and given the theme, it would make sense to release the new layout on that day, but I doubt I'll finish it in time with this cursed connection. Even though the files are local, they seem to take a century to load when the net is down. Yea, so if I do miss that date, I'll hold it until October. I have this odd habit of wanting "even" numbers. They aren't necessarily even, but they're just like...common intervals. Whatever. Merrily we roll along...

Speaking of autumn, it is FREAKING COLD. Already. The water temperature was noticeably lower this morning and I was so pissed. The senior bedroom is the least insulated next to the gigantic freshman room, so the extra blankets will prove to be handy this year. I kinda like snuggling under blankets. It's a security issue.

School...the usual. We were assigned our first book today in English, Neverwhere. It's a fantasy based book, sort of interesting. We were supposed to read until the end of chapter 3 tonight, page 69, but...I kept nodding off, so I called it quits. I wasn't bored, I'm just feeling kind of slacky. So chapter 3'll be for the bus and homeroom tomorrow. No worries, it'll get done.

Other than that, there was not much else that happened during the school day. But I did go to the Community Art Center today. It was very good to see Kota (Go to her site! The button is right there, people, third from the top! XD) and Dave again. There was of course the returning loud, obnoxious bunch and some nice QUIET new folk. The girls are finally in the lead, WOO HOO!!! I was seriously starting to get upset between the two weirdos. They're just so LOUD, especially the girl. Last year I told her I hated her to get her to shut up. XD I felt bad when she left the room, "depressed" because she felt no one liked her (meanwhile I was the only one who'd admited that). Kota seemed shocked that I so easily spoke my mind about that, especially since it was a mean sort of thing to do. I tried to wipe the slate clean today but...it didn't work. I have little patience for...children. Or rather the really immature ones who look for attention in the worst ways possible. So yea...

My attention span is starting to waver. And it's going to have to in a few minutes when I get on the phone. It's been AGES. And there was a confession involved... It makes me happy, but I'm trying not to feed into it because then my mood will become dependant on him again. And that's not healthy to have something that belongs in your control depend on something else. And then there are other things... Buh bye for now!

¬_¬

I haven't worked on the layout yet since earlier this morning, but when I finish writing this, I'll get to it.

SCREW EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. The apathy button is back in effect. I can't deal with the jealous games. You told me it was over. And if you can't accept friendship, then I guess it is, down to the dime. Goodbye.

Have a nice day.

Big Sis stopped by! I missed her. I am so proud of her. I'm gonna miss her mentoring. But at least she's not too far away. Who knows, I might be joining her at Bryn Mawr next year?

This entry has been dormant for a while. It says 3:01 but I just got back to writing it at 4:01. I was thinking about what I wrote above. Is it too harsh? I dunno. I'm just tired of the burden of holding on to something so far away...

I think I'm lucky. I tend to get over things very quickly. But could that be negative too? Am I learning the lessons from my experiences? I hope so...

For You, E.P. ...

Site progress is steady...

I feel like such an ASS. When I first learned how to add this blog to my site, I considered the negative factors of posting it. And every now and then, they come to slap me in the face. But I've become dependant on writing out my thoughts to vent if I am not compelled to cry or draw out what I'm feeling. Well...I did cry tonight. I couldn't let them see though, for fear of them asking me about something I could never explain. Sometimes the past trails after you like a lost puppy and you can't help but want to comfort it. But you can't ever undo the abuse the pup has endured, so should you even try? I feel like I have to...but the pup only snaps at my hand, reminding me of my inability to do so. ...I dunno where this is going, but it helps me somehow. I just have to say that I'm sorry and there's nothing I can do about this... Even if I were to consider dropping him, what would that do? Could you live with it on your conscience that I may feel bad for him, for myself, for you and that I could remain miserable? There I go again, trying to flip the blame. But I suppose it's human nature, a way to make sense of things. I thought we were done. What was I supposed to do? You asking for a break again didn't exactly feel good. So I looked to be comforted by someone else. I guess part of love is being able to wait. But most first loves are never the last. And yes, I did feel love for you at a point and it lingers, otherwise I would have completely cast you aside by now. And though absence makes the heart grow fonder, time also heals all wounds, and unfortunately, that sometimes means in the hands of someone else. I was hurt. I couldn't wait for you. So I didn't. Sis liked him, Mom liked him, Dad liked him too. I never did have the heart to tell them about you. They define OLDR to be...imaginary and probably perverted if they manage to last. *cough* So I did try to tell them about you, otherwise I wouldn't know about their opinions on that. And my parents do matter. That's why it was so easy to go to him. Because they know, I feel like the bond is strengthened. I don't know why I'm even trying to explain this to you. You will probably never have the heart to read this. I'm sorry... Goodbye...

A glimpse of the past...Captive Heart (Chp. 2) Ironic the circles we trod... Mind you, it has not come full circle yet.

Rainy Day

Whoops, this entry is late. I got so caught up on working on the new layout. It may appear familiar to you if you are one to frequent my DA page...

Today was cold and miserable. Apparently it's supposed to be warmer tomorrow. I hope so. The fact that the sun is going down earlier everyday is already starting to bug me. Not like I'm outside in the daylight anyway, but there's something so much more appealing about natural light. And yet...I like being out in the night air. Being a Gemini, I guess I have doubles in everything.

I went to my Academic Advisor's house to take a practice SAT. I'm glad she's my AA. Nagging really helps me because I tend to slack a little, not to the point of failure, but to pressure. After three grueling hours at a table in a beautiful but cold kitchen, we went to Nifty Fifty's. THE BEST MILKSHAKES EVAR. And I had some fries and a Philly Cheesesteak. And we just blabbed about college stuff. I'm not going to even go into that because everytime I do, I get worried out of my mind. I was getting the jitters just from talking to her about it. I could have just been cold, thanks to the milkshake, but even after I took her jacket to warm myself up, I still had them. Mmm. Vanilla.

Afterwards I came home and started working on the image part of the new layout. The luvahboi called and we got cut off fifty trillion and one times and I was so upset because I completely couldn't tell his voice apart from his friend's and BLAH. So...I didn't get to really talk to him. It feels like three whole days of not talking to him. It BURNS. And now I return to fixing my site. Goodnight.

Day # 8

Whee, I may have an image for the next layout. But nobody knows... Or cares, for that matter.

Today we played mat ball in gym. Fun time. It looks like we shall be swimming in this class. I'm hoping that sign was soley for the freshman. I think it's ridiculous to have us walking around that refridegerator they call a school with wet hair and open pores. Not only is the school cold, but winter is on its way.

For the first time since the first day of school, I went down to lunch instead of the library. I immediately reinstated the reason why I'd stopped coming down in the first place. The menu for those with lunch tickets is extremely limited. I'd LOVE to pay for lunch myself except that I'm too finicky to eat half the time anyways. Besides, I didn't exactly feel comfortable around the people at the table I was invited to anyway. I figure it's senior year, we've been going to the same school for four years, and if we're not cool now, we might as well keep it that way. Unless I missed you somehow, which is certainly not the case for anyone who was there. I didn't consider any of the people at the table my type (including the inviter, though I thank her for her persistant kindness as rude as I've been to her) and I got this sense that I was probably disliked and was going to be ignored. So I did what I felt most comfortable doing, got up and left. I feel better to exclude myself rather than have someone else exclude me. It's like "You're fired," and retaliating with, "No, I quit." It sucks I can't have lunch with my best friend(s), but at least the noise and stressful lunch options are eliminated. This way, I can sit in a nice quiet library, check over my Physics homework, doodle, or read.

Speaking of reading, over the past week, I read a book called The Earth, My Butt, And Other BIG, ROUND Things by Carolyn Mackler. I absolutely loved it, though I couldn't relate to it down to the dime. It was about this plump girl and how she feels outcast by both her family and peers because of her weight. What could be so exciting about that? I won't ruin it for you. It is a chick book, so yea...

In English today we started watching the Matrix. We have a paper due Monday relating everything we've discussed over the past week. It'll be more interesting now that one of my favorite movies is in the mix.

And I think I'm done... I wanna talk to lover boy. Or boy toy, as Dad refers to him. XD

Day Off

This part is starting to get repetitive. No site updates. Perhaps I should pick a certain day of the week to upload the updates. We'll see. As for the next site theme, I think I may have an image for the next layout already. I'll see how it turns out once I color it and then decide.

Today we had off for that Jewish holiday which I can barely pronounce and can hardly spell. It was a boring day off, especially considering the fact that there were fifty million and one things I wanted to do but didn't. Like...clean my room. I woke up at like 12. Well, 11 actually, but I tend to just lie in bed and think about random things for a while. So tomorrow's the day for cleanup. At least that's the plan. Saturday I'm going to go over to my Academic Advisor's house to study for the SATs. Fun fun. Oh yea, I tend to be very sarcastic in this thing. Note that.

So tomorrow we go back to school for ONE day. I hate when that happens. A four day weekend would have been great. But NO. I bet they didn't do it that way just so they could have a silly football game. Fools. I have to ask something of our...house guy. I forgot what his title was, but he's pretty important. I'm afraid though because I was supposed to go to South Street with his wife last weekend I think it was and that just didn't happen. I'm afraid I may have hurt her feelings. She is such a sweet woman, and extremely sensitive. Yea. I hate asking people for big things, particularly when I feel so undeserving, which is most of the time.

Yea...No other news to report. Toodleloo.

Day # 7

Moving along...

Today was a rather uneventful day. How unusual. I had lots of fun today running around the last minute collecting signatures for my entry into the National Honor Society in my school. But I'm glad that's finally over. I was invited to my academic advisor's house to study for the SATs tomorrow. Really and truly, I don't wanna. On my day off, study? How cruel can you be? But I really do need to get a jump on that. Really and truly. I also need to clean my room. We've been here about 2 weeks now and I STILL haven't unpacked. Sad, sickening, and highly disorganized. There's alot I should consider throwing away.

So yea, I'm going to leave the room because there is a really weird and disgusting bug in here good night.

Day # 6

You know the drill. I'm thinking of a theme for the next layout. I think I've got it. You just can't know it. And yes, it shall be scrawny again, unless there's some sort of protest. But no one loves me and really comes to this site anyway for that to happen. XD Oh well. I like changing it. Moving along...

I think school is going to drain the life from me. At some point. Hopefully at no point soon. Because that would suck alot. Thanksgiving, I need you, although you're merely a figment of some historian's imagination. I already have a 3 page paper due next week. And I have the feeling it's going to be so outta whack and random because the topic pretty much was too. It wasn't so much random as it was broad. I like my topics to be somewhat precise. Although sometimes, it depends.

The past few days I have been running around getting teacher signatures for my National Honor Society thingit. It's so annoying. I wish they would have put it off until Friday. Or warned us about this a long time ago. Although really, it is to an extent my fault that I didn't start getting this done before. I remember standing with one of the previous seniors when she had to fill it out. So there we go. I'm a procrastinating fool.

A leadership role has already been plopped into my lap. How exciting. I get to be President of UPOC, United People of Color. Scatterbrained, shy Asia a leader? Why did this happen? Oh wells. I guess I've been blessed with this opportunity for a reason. It can in no way be a negative experience except that there's another work load to kill me off. Geezus. I need to call the Ol' Big Sis. I miss her.

There are many things I want to write in this blog but just won't because they're too private. So where do those thoughts go? Where few have gone before, deep inside the cluttered back of my mind. My roomie did manage to control my phonecall today. But tomorrow, is mine. She'll probably be up and out anyways, praise the lord. I really do love talking to 'im. Yea...

I took a nap today, but I'm still feeling kind of groggy. Hopefully I won't be fighting my sleep the way I was today. I was so ready to plop my head down on my desk in Statistics. But the second we had to leave, I was wide awake again. I had lesser energy in gym today, though, and my teacher basically told us to perk up. We play too much football. And soccer sucks. Actually, sports suck in general. But I would have taken tennis over football and soccer anyday. Over and out.

Day # 5

And I present to you another riveting blog entry for the site update!

Of course the school day was nothing special. Not at all. This is going to be a pretty boring semester. I keep thinking of how switching certain classes kind of ruined my social opportunities and sort of isolates me from my regular bunch. It makes me sort of mad. But I guess that's what happens when you're smarter than other people (people not meaning my normal friends, but people other than my friends that I don't mind being around). Not that I'm arrogant or anything... But...yea.

I had to stay after school today, to schedule a guidance appointment and run around to teachers to get my National Honor Society crap thing filled out. I'm hoping I make it through that. And I've gotta do it by Wednesday. So yea, the usual dinner and study hall commenced. I need to quit slacking, like, right now. Ocotober is officially less than a month away. *sigh* I'm sick of school already.

So after study hall, lover boy calls. And I'm on the phone for quite a while. And then my fellow senior starts nagging me about my responsibility to guide the freshmen in their chores. I figure hey, it's been a week, you should know how these things work. I'm not here to hand guidance out to you. If the girl was confused about the chore, she wouldn't have been on the phone. We'd already discussed that I had Dinner Set & Clear and that she had Dishwasher & Strainer, so if she was confused about anything beyond that, she could have come to me. But apparently, the phone was more important. MY chore was already completed. I knew what I was doing. Therefore I had the right to be on the phone. So yea, that's nag level one. And then she starts to complain about my being on the phone. Odds are that whoever she wants to talk to is local, so she can holla at them tomorrow. I don't have that luxury. WHY oh WHY does everyone's phone decide to break when I finally discover that blabbing on the phone is fun? Sure, I have a cellphone too, but no one in this house likes to pay for minutes, and the reception is horrible here, so for them to try and complain to me about something I to an extent have the right to as much as they do, is just wrong. Sure, I shoulda been fair and have gotten off. But...persistance kinda helps. She seemed to be more enthralled by the computer. So now, we may have an issue with her trying to control my phone calls. Damn agressive fire signs.

So that was my rant for the day. I need to catch up on sleep. Thursday is...that Jewish holiday that I'm not going to even try to spell, so that'll be the perfect time. For that, and cleaning my room. And hopefully Ms. Popularity will be out so I can be on the phone so long as I please. Meh. I can't wait until October. Why? Homecoming. So yea. Bedtime! Nighty night!

Blabbity

WOW. Some part of the site has been edited! Nothing big, so don't get excited. I removed some pages, added another review and moved those to the know page, and I think that's all. I feel the urge of a new layout coming on... Any theme or color scheme ideas?

I think I'm starting to cope better with the not having a phone call everyday thing. I dunno. Whatever. Last night we went to see one of the boarding program's staff members perform with his daughter for the last time. They are SO good. I wish I could play some kind of instrument. These piano fingers have to be good for something other than typing. The night air makes me giddy. I was cracking up in the elevator in the parking place because some people were smoking. And Philly...boy, them chicks can't dress. We saw these two girls in this random blue rainboots, meanwhile the rest of their clothing was like dark denims and whatnot. Wow. I like being out at night in the city. It gives me such energy.

Today I slept much later than usual. We got up and went to a host family picnic. A spider bit me. I hate bugs. But it was nice to be among my host family again. I really do feel apart of their circle. Yea. So stuff.

I'm thinking that's all. It's pretty late, so I'm going to go to bed. I am SO looking forward to another school day. At least we don't have school Thursday. Over and out.

Obsession

No site updates. Just the following entry.

Earlier today I wrote an entry which was rather depressing. Then I deleted it. YES. I WAS DEPRESSED. For five seconds (which is an extreme exaggerration btw). Why? Because I'm obsessed, dammit. And daddy warned me. But as soon as we got on the phone again, I was happy. This sucks. I can't let someone control my emotions. The apathy button is malfunctioning!!! Shouldn't I be happy? So why do I feel like this? This'd happened before, but it was even harder on me because he was even further away. It felt like a weight was in my chest, like I could barely breathe. But it always passes. I won't go jumping off the roof or something, so don't ya'll go worrying. Angst is a natural part of adolescence.

So yea. I gave this URL to someone and I fear it has upset him. I didn't want that to happen. But I'd probably already done that. *sigh* Yea. I'm fine now. But I'll end this before my mood completely flips again. Over and out.

Day # 4

There are plenty of updates I could make to the site. I just don't feel motivated. Though there are signs of minor activity in this place, it just isn't enough. But that's ok. Because that's not what I really care about.

At the moment, I feel abandoned, worried. Why? Nooo phone call. And I don't know what to do. I could call on the other end but...it wasn't supposed to work that way. I'm not angry or anything, just a tad bit upset, along with the aforementioned emotions. Anger, was yesterday's emotion.

We had a house meeting yesterday and I SO badly wanted to answer the phone. IF I recall correctly, we were allowed to do that, to tell people to call back. But the rules just keep on a changin'. Which was why I was mad. But then I was being sort of bratty I guess. Yea...

Nothing shockingly fresh in school. It's gonna be pretty boring, though... Will someone PLEASE force me to study for the SATs? I have roughly a month. Eh. Yea... Hopefully I will be able to recuperate by tomorrow. Why? Because I's goin' art shoppin'! With a very nice lady. You should read her books, Judith...OMFG I can't spell their last names STILL. Well, look up Skippy John Jones, to read to your little ones. It's an adorable little keeper. And that's my advertisement for the day. Ta-ta!

Day # 3

No real site updates. So sue me. Hey, this actually counts as an update too. So READ.

Wow. How often is it that one like myself actually enjoys gym? Yesterday, gym wasn't as fun because we were playing football and frankly, I suck at it. But even with practicing that one day, I think I'm getting better at focusing on the game and actually trying to catch the ball. Sure, I broke a couple of nails, but apparently I get points for it. Usually in gym, I'm too busy thinking of how much I'd rather be doing something else. But today, I tried to pay attention. And I caught the winning ball. It was a MIRACLE. It was far off and two guys nearly knocked me over, which is the trouble with playing with boys. I was praised and proud. Most of my class was cheering or ohing because they didn't expect me to catch it. I was surprised too. So gym is fun for now. When we have to swim is another story. The pool usually has an overdosage of chlorine and water is no good for my hair. Nuh uh. The National Honor Society meeting was today. Yay, I'm smart. XD But now I have to try and recall things I can use to fill it out. How troublesome that shall be. And stuff. Yea, so today was a pretty good day. Hopefully it'll be that way for a while.

I'm starting to really get addicted to the phone. Before I couldn't be on it too long, (which is actually still applicable, depending on just who I'm speaking to and of what) but now I actually feel like I have to have it every single night. Or I can't go to sleep. I'm hooked.

On a Monday, I am waiting, Tuesday, I am fading, and by Wednesday I can't sleep... (© Ashley Simpson)

Peace out.

Day # 2

Okay...I'm not going to do this everyday. Because I just won't. Everyday is not exciting. But yea. Uhm... Let's see... Yea, nothing important happened today. Not really. So yea. I SO need to draw something. I mean I have, but just not online. I need to COLOR. Tabby needs me! ...Yes...I named my tablet... *cough* I also need to really clean my room. I'm supposed to start that shebang when my roomie gets in. So yea. Stuff. I'm going to draw now. Toodles!

Day # 1

Site Updates: I recently received notification of the completion of an evaluation of the site and several errors were brought to my attention that I didn't notice before. So...that needs to be handled. I'm writing this during study hall, though, so I don't really want to do that now. I was also supposed to post that review, but I'm going to postpone that as well. It's so annoying how I keep getting error after error. Maybe switching to PHP wasn't such a brilliant idea. But I guess it's all apart of the learning process. In case you didn't notice, my sister is now an official member of this blog. Once upon a time, good ol' Jules was apart of this, but she abandoned it and all for the love of independence at Xanga. Phooey. Blogger kicks Xanga butt!!! I SO want to correct my sister's grammatical errors, but until I think of a way to do that in a way she can learn from it, I'm not going to touch it. But anyway, that aside, I think it's time I talked about my first day of school...

I'd originally set my alarm clock to 5:40 am since I hadn't showered in the evening like I prefer to, only to wake up at 6 am anyways. I was kinda tired, especially considering the fact that I was on the phone until 2am. @_@ With guess who? It's just easy to talk to him. And stuff. So yah, I got up, showered, dressed, all that jazz. I don't think I'll ever manage to wake up early enough in the morning to make myself eat breakfast, so that's out of the mix. I will survive. Or maybe not considering the drastic lunch meal changes... But that's later... I am SERIOUSLY so scatter-brained. I cannot focus on one subject. These sentences are proving that notion.

So then we all (the rest of my roomies) go to the bus stop, only to find that the schedule has been shifted up by 4 mins. RANTOMANIA!!! First off, I REALLY and TRULY do not like our bus driver. He literally barks at you if you make the smallest of mistakes. I tried to explain to him that last year, our schedule said the bus was to arrive at 6:50 and that it was a silly mistake that we were four minutes late. He just wouldn't shut up about it after that. I also hate our bus route because we seriously could be getting up 10 minutes later since the bus driver passes our bus stop again. But no, for some reason we must suffer. I want to have that worked out because it really is dumb. End rant.

I head into school and I already start to get nervous. So many ne faces! But I already know I'm going to be alot more agressive this year. I was sitting between two boys and one of them swapped my textbook for his decapitated one against my will so I switched that with his buddy's. In the past, I would have never even considered doing that without saying something first. OMG FOCUS... So then I run around and bump into Andii. We didn't want to be bombarded by the "goth/punk/screwed-up/weird" bunch, so we got a new window spot. I'm going to miss the old one though, along with the people that have left us...

Ow...My left hand is seriously starting to cramp up thanks to this keyboard... So then we went to first block. (Btw, a block scheduled system as opposed to a period scheduled system uses a four course semester set-up. So I have four classes for the first semester and my other four later for the second, instead of eight the entire year. Sure, the classes are lengthier, but I think it helps to reestablish my enthusiasm for school. When the second semester starts up, I feel like school is starting fresh again, like I'm beginning anew. Ahem, done.) We have this guy Dr. Templeton. He's really cool. Weird, but cool. And supposedly, easy. But colleges won't know that with the AP label on his course.

Second block I have statistics. Math. Sucks. It's a waste of my time. But if it looks good, I supposed I'll keep on chuggin' along. Third block I had Fine Arts Portfolio. Whoopty doo, art right? WRONG. I hate doing still lifes, landscapes, paintings, etc., all the overly complicated stuff. I do admire the artists who possess the skills in those fields, but I'm not one of them. I like doodling, cartooning. It's quick, and as for digital media, there's no mess! So stuff... I've lost my train of thought because I had to go get school supplies and do my chore. Ok now. So then after being uber excited because of the fact that I had lunch with my bestest buds for both semesters, I saw my guidance counselor and my schedule was completely changed. I had to stuff in a PE course because there wasn't a way to waive it and I needed it to graduate, and my counselor insisted that I add another AP course. Unfortunately, it's history related so...ugh. Rip-roarin-ready for the challenge. I'm so not gonna make it to the big three.

So yea, fourth block was also kinda dull. Physics, which was moved up to honors. And we already know how I absolutely adore math, so yea... More fun fun. I believe I can get through it though. The teacher's supposed to be farely good and in 7th grade, when I was first exposed to Physics, I actually took a liking to it over the other sciences. I remember my teacher exactly, Mr. Khanfri. He was a foreigner, and sometimes his accent screwed things up for me, but that was part of what made the class interesting. I remember when he introduced balancing equations and no one had any clue what they were doing. I however, was one of the few of us that actually tried. And I didn't ask for help either. I rarely do in terms of homework now that I think about it... But anyway, after my effort, I actually managed to get some of the problems right. I remember being extremely proud of the red marks on my paper. No one else really handed in a paper to be marked. So yea, I'll get through this class. College applications are another story...

So then I came home, had some chinese food. It was cheery. Someone special called just before study hall, which I have to go through at least for this marking period. And then, I will be free to take advantage of my seniorness. Yea... After study hall (which was DAZZLINGLY entertaining ¬_¬), someone special called again. And we blabbed some more. Not too late this time, because Kathleen was getting phone calls too. So yea... I'm...done.

Back to School

No site updates. Except that last time I forgot to tell ya that I added anchors for your convenience. Yay. Next time I'll add the latest review.

So...yea. I'm back in school. Whoopty doo. It's not like I'm not excited, because I am. It's just that my room is a junkyard right now. See, at first my roommate and I weren't going to change to what is traditionally known as the senior room in the house. So that would have made packing much easier. But since we did and we absolutely had to have our furniture, there was alot of moving heavy objects and stuff. My arms and back are killing me. Man...I wish I could have a massage...Sure, Kathy is here but it's not the same when someone you like THAT way does it. Oh? What is that about? We'll get to it...

So yea, I can't differentiate what from what in the room so it is just sick in there right now. I need to find some nails or something to hang a mirror and I don't know if I'm keeping a certain bureau, or switching for another, or keeping them both. So more stuff to move...oh yay. And then my art stuff...omg that's gonna be alot to handle. I REALLY hope I get this done ASAP.

School begins tomorrow and I already have several things that absolutely have to be done. For example, calculating my GPA, of which I can't even give an estimate, which is sad. I am too aloof for my own good. I also have to register for the SATs for which the last day is tomorrow. HOPEFULLY there is still some room. Otherwise, I'm screwed. I'm going to take the ones again and also the twos. Oh yea...I still have to decide which twos I'm taking exactly. Geez. I also have to get in there and have serveral courses switched. Hopefully I'll remember this and not get too wrapped up in my friends.

My buddies were supposed to teach me how to skate, but I couldn't find some way to fit the skates in my luggage, so I had to leave them and my comy, FIRM pillow behind. Oh and I also forgot my suit and spare glasses. Geez. I still haven't found the money my mother gave me as I left. Pooh. NEVER give me anything while I'm angry or rushing. I already have trouble remembering things in the first place, so giving stuff to me then just triples that.

So yea. I know that this year my mother is going to what letters from me or else. Hopefully once a month is sufficient, because stuff just doesn't happen that often. Of course when she writes back, that'll spur me to write more, but still, it'd be better to wait until the end of the month, to get everything in there and save both envelopes and paper.

The new freshies were very curious about how homesickness has affected me in my three years, and honestly, I was confronted by it and would have phases of not so happiness and anger, and lashing out and stuff. But I got over it eventually. But now...that process may be slightly altered. Why? There's a boy involved. I'll tell you the story...

So, after the college tour run by my boarding program was done, I was stuck outside of my home for some odd hours. Luckily though, there was someone to get me past the main doors because it was starting to rain. So then this boy runs down the stairs and comes back up since he realizes that it's raining. That was luck. I think if not for the rain, I wouldn't have met him, because he wouldn't have had to double back. And when he was coming down the stairs for a second time, he suddenly hears my music. I was listening to No Doubt and he asks me, "You listen to rock?" I think smiling was instantaneous on my part, which is unusual for me. I was instantly attracted to him and was extremely happy that there was a source of intelligence outside my door. Now that sorta makes it sound like I believe I'm above the folks in my neighborhood. Well...can you blame me? At all? You just don't know how much I dislike that area. But that's another story, that has been written before, and won't be rewritten now.

So anyways, we talk a bit and he rushes off to work. He tells me to knock on his door the next day, and I do and we talk even more (after I ask my mom if I could sit in the hallway with him). That was practically the whole day. And on and off we talk and eventually I have my dad meet him and finally he okays a date. After a couple of delays (because mum wouldn't straighten my hair, mostly), we went out on Saturday. First we went to an arcade on 42nd street and he showed off his DDR skills (that's Dance Dance Revolution if you haven't been exposed to its greatness). He's REALLY good. But he couldn't score on me in air hockey. So then after that, we went to a park and just blabbed some more, about music, school, stuff like that. That was at least three hours and then we went to a movie. Suspect Zero. BOO. Don't waste your money. It wasn't horrible, but I thought it was a pretty flat movie. So after that, we went home. He gave me a massage on the train (that was the most touching the whole day mum and dad, if you actually read this), but he couldn't do my entire back because I was having trouble relaxing on the train, and the mid part of my back is extremely tense. So then we both went bye bye and I went to bed immediately. And I miss him already! But for now, it's the same as when I missed my friends. And I can handle it.

So now I think I'm going to go attempt to clear my room. The fact that my roomie isn't here makes it that much harder. But I can make it through this! At four there is a BBQ and then we come back to pack and prepare for school and whatnot. I HOPE I can finish early tonight. I don't want to be tired on the first day of school. What am I going to wear?!

Blooper of the moment: Yesterday when I was on the train, I was so busy playing Final Fantasy Tactics that I missed my stop in Philly! So we (a freshie and I) had to wait in Wilmington for an hour. Whoops!!!

Over and out.

Fixity

Wow. It's September. Mind you, I'm still on break, just wanted to say that I fixed the broken images on the cg and real media pages, though once again, I had to risk organization. Oh well, ya win some, ya lose some.

School begins the 7th, so I head back to PA on the 5th. I've packed all of my clothing with the exception of a few things that need to be laundered, but now all my personal items, books and art supplies, are proving to be very difficult to fit into bags. And then with this silly convention in town, I'm sure they'll take the 50 lb. thing seriously. I guess I'll need to leave some of my pretties behind. It should never be this painful, I mean I never use anything except once in a blue moon. And this year, there will be plenty of things to distract me from using it, i.e. school work. Senior year. Wow. How quickly time passes. Was I having fun? Eh...somewhat. Over and out.