Thursday, May 26, 2005

Sleepy Time

Agh, I'm tired. This week has been pretty good, except in terms of getting what I need to do done. I have not written a word of my paper, though I'm pretty sure I've collected enough resources in terms of research. Germany's history seems so cleancut. I haven't come across any discrepancies between texts, so I'm pretty sure the bulk of my information is correct. What I need to do is sit down, like I am now, and do the paper for hours in a row. Then, before I know it, I'll be done. Hopefully having a laptop on hand will make that much easier to acheive. I may just bring it home with me this weekend after all. If only writing a paper were like building a website. I wish I were as passionate about it. Alas, such is not so.

Tuesday I believe it was, I received my very own laptop! There's an anonymous individual who has donated one for every senior for the past four years. We've tried to think of who it is, but we're pretty sure we've come up with nothing with our guesses. It has to be someone on the inside, because how else would they know how many seniors there are exactly? Thank you, whoever you are. Our House Chair came into the house all nonchalant like he usually does, just having a little chitchat with us and all. He claimed to have come to wait for the other senior, my roommate, to arrive, but he finally gave in. I swear my heart stopped for a few seconds when I saw that box. The box had nothing on its outsides that would tell you it was a computer, but in my heart I just knew. I could smell it. I squealed for a moment, eventually becoming a little lightheaded, although I don't think I reacted as everyone expected me to. I never go to the extreme with my emotions, though, except for after buildup, in anger. Speaking of which, I'd blown up on my roommate recently too. But the second she heard the laptops had come in, she'd forgotten all about her grudge against me. Thank goodness, because it was stupid to begin with. Yes, I admit, it was my fault.

You see, I have this thing with my hair. I take a lot of pride in it, so you could say I am a bit like Samson. You know that story about the Israelite judge whose strength is in his hair? Well anyway, my sense of self beauty is often tied to my hair. When it's looking nice, I tend to feel most proud of myself, and my self esteem is at its highest. Anything offered to damage it is offered a death sentence in return. Well, the other senior said something to me, something I have heard time and time again, and have always respond to the same way. She suggested that I get my hair relaxed (that is, straightened permanently via chemicals) for graduation. I seriously exploded on her. There was always someone in this house telling me I should do it. I feel like that's the worst thing I could do to my hair. I wanted to tell her to look in the mirror and witness what a perm has done to her own hair, but anger got a hold of me. It seriously destroys my ability to think about what I'm saying and say it correctly. I was trembling after that battle, although I wasn't ready to agree to the silliness of it all just yet. The next day, I was willing to forgive, but when the other senior flipped because I'd touched her magazine, I gave up. I really don't know why that happened that way myself. It just somehow really angered me that I once again had to repeat myself about the fact that I did not want a perm because it is my belief that it destroys your hair. No one understands it though, because I am one of the few and proud who still believes in au naturel black hair. Sure, it's a lot of work to handle our napps as is, but those chemicals do not mean the answer. Once you put them in your hair, there really isn't a way to revert. Or so, that's how I have come to understand it. I hate it when people try to force their opinions on me. You are entitled to yours, sure thing, but if I have for four years explained that you cannot convince me of otherwise, why can't you just quit?

Yea, I think I'm going to go take a nap. The laptop is away being configured, so hopefully it'll be back soon. I NEED IT. I can't wait to start installing stuff. Plus it's wireless, so I can stay in my room FOREVER if I wanted to. The net is all I need. Peace out!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Procrastination Kills

My, my, my, how this weekend has flown by. It's been a pretty fun weekend, though I have to wonder about whether it would have been more fun had certain things been exchanged. Friday I went to the mall to buy gifts for my best friend's birthday. I truly hate to buy gifts, because it seems that at that moment in time, the value of my friendship is represented through the purchased item. And in the end, it's all about a filthy piece of paper. So while I was wandering around KB Toys I got a pleasant surprise. The very person I was to purchase the present for just so happened to be in the mall and greeted me quite enthusiastically. It certainly made me happy to see her, but I was concerned about the fact that her presence would kill the element of surprise. Nontheless, she, another one of our friends, and I, walked to the Chinese food place in the mall, Panda Express. Two of our friends work there, and boy was I blown away when we finally arrived.

Something about the yellow collared shirt brought out his broad shoulders, which randomly seemed attractive to me that evening. No one noticed, but I couldn't stop smiling, and blushing. Our two friends were actually pretty good behind the counter. But all the while, he was my center of attention. It was hella odd, because I'd never even thought of him that way before. I listened to him talk about his job as he sat to eat dinner with us during his break, more intently than I had ever before. I swear, I've had some degree of a crush on all my male friends. It's kinda weird, and I guess I'm a little bit more boy crazy then I give my self credit for.

After dinner, I left the birthday girl alone with our Panda Express friends to go find her a gift. I was walking from store to store trying to find something that just called out to me, but nothing in particular really stood out. With two of my friends meeting up with me to rush me out of the mall, I fell back to "It's the though that counts," and bought some pretty random things, a huge roll of reusable manga stickers, and an arts and crafts kit to use to decorate your cellphone. I felt so worthless. We left the mall altogether and they dropped me off at home. I immediately came to the computer and wrote in my Live Journal from the depths of my soul about how much I cared about the birthday girl. It was weird, because after reading it, I easily came off as a lesbian, which is certainly not the case. I could never imagine such a thing. Ew.

Saturday my boarding home went on a house trip to Dorney Park. My second time, I went on nearly all the rides we approached. I'm starting to get better at not being so afraid of rollercoasters, which is good. Honestly, though, it wasn't all that exciting. Hopefully, if my friends and I do go to Six Flags after the prom, it'll be much more fun. Or maybe all in all, I actually did enjoy myself. I'm just not the happiest person right now. Why? Well, let's just say that procrasination kills. I have a lot of work to do and no time, so I won't be fiddling with this site for a while. Hang in there. I'll be back.

Monday, May 9, 2005

Day # 156

AP History was very entertaining for me today, for once. I don't hate the class, it's just that half the time we're talking about things I for one don't know anything about or care about, although I probably should. We were discussing an article about big bad Clear Channel. Boy did I have a load of two cents to chuck today. I was proud to actually be able to contribute something to the class for once in a long while. It was interesting, too, listening to the teacher give arguments for and against Clear Channel. I certainly have to agree that it isn't that much of the bad apple it's cracked up to be. It does some good. It's money that's at the root of the issue here. That, however, is another story.

So today I served the first (and last) detention of my life. It seriously wasn't that big a deal. In fact, it kind of helped. I actually sat down and read some chapters out of Mao II by Don Delillo. You see that? I actually did homework! I actually like the book. It has so much imagery. You can see everything going on in the book. My only problem is that I don't understand whether anything is supposed to mean anything. Right now it just seems like I'm reading a story written for the sole purpose to be visual, just as our teacher suggested. It was actually kind of difficult to read during detention because the proctor was a bit too nice and was having this whole conversation with these two chicks. I was a little annoyed, but I figured it was ok to suffer a little bit. It was detention after all. The dude actually let us out early, so that was nice. I then went to go buy a soda, only to click the wrong button. I hate regular Coke. It doesn't have the same rush of sugar that's in Diet Coke. I NEED that. I wasn't about to waste my money, though, so I went along to catch my bus, sipping another dose of punishment for the day.

My art class at the local Community Art Center was actually pretty annoying. I sit next to these two twelve year olds, and they are SO annoying. They never have anything nice to say, and they play too much. I may just stop going. It's not like two classes is such a big deal anyway.

This month is going to be insane. I am booked to the max. I have that huge AP History paper/presentation to worry about, a paper to write on Dalí, and a helluva lot of cleaning and packing to do before I get up out of here. I think I may just go mad thinking about it instead of actually getting up to do something about it. Procrastination will be the death of me. And it's a wrap.