Spring Break was one lazy blur. I did absolutely nothing. I saw The Incredibles and Hackers. The Incredibles is definitely an incredible flick. I was almost urged to watch it again. And as for Hackers - "Well shit on me." That movie is SO funny. I also watched Bambi. It's one of the few classic classic (twice for emphasis) Disney films I actually like. My favorite part of the film is and always has been when the trio gets all twitterpated. Flower has always confused me, however. In the beginning of the film, it is just so easy to assume he's female. Yea... boring break. But I love my mommy. And solitude is a beautiful thing. And yet... lonesome. Do I have regrets to that which has passed since the last entry? I am young. I have little time for such things.
So cold... yes I know. Cold enough in fact to have my mother say something to me such as this: "You and your father, I swear, y'all don't know how to love or be loved." No, it was not in reference at all to the situation in the previous entry. My sister was molesting me, and I grumbled until I managed to drive her away. I don't like to be touched, especially not in a manner in which is meant to piss me off. But anyway, what struck me most with her saying that was that it is true. I am a freaking android. I am apathetic to the BONE. And whenever I do actually stop to feel something, later on, I always feel in a way, guilty - disgusted with myself. It's weird. I cannot handle intimacy.
Even people who barely know me have commented about my lack of emotion, or my so called fear of fun. It was during the National Youth Leadership Conference that a group of friends I made said, "Why don't you ever smile?" And when I finally did lighten up and do so, they felt the need to call me "Sunshine." I have never had a nickname before. I guess I have, but not a spellable one like everyone else. Short names just don't need nicknames.
I'll speak on the matter of the NYLC later. I keep saying that I will, but I just don't. With the midterm out of the way, I feel a lot more free. Now... 10+ pages on Germany... I'll deal with that in time. Now I want to get back to drawing. And a clean room...
