<< She - Green Day >>
I suddenly realize how much I can relate to that song...
Uhm... I can't do anything. Stress to the max. I feel like some sort of empty shell. I'm just here to uphold all these expectations, all of which I don't want to fulfill. Let me guess... I won't hear from you for a while. Ever? Was I that evil? But what is that supposed to mean? I was thinking of all this mistrust coming from my parents this past break. And I realize... I have plenty of it too. Yea, that's right. I don't trust you. I don't trust a lot of people. Unless I know them. You know what that means, right? I don't know you. And yes, I have been pushing you away. Does that mean I don't want to get to know you? No, that's definitely not the case. It's just that at this point - when it comes down to these situations - I don't know myself. That doesn't make sense, does it? Yes, I know I'm itchy in these situations. I know I can't handle them properly. I don't know how to. I feel like I'm constantly wallowing in paranoia. What I don't know about myself is why. Why can't I just dismiss it if it makes me so miserable? I've been told that I'm too trusting, too guillable for certain things. What about being too mistrusting? Maybe I'm not REALLY all that mature. I am such a child when it comes to these matters. And yet... not? I was thinking of that psychologist person they had us seeing my sophmore year. I thought it was a huge joke but - we all need a little psychiatric help sometimes because we're all a little crazy. I just need to talk to someone. And it can't be you. And unfortunately, this thing isn't working. Eh.
Oh well. I'm sick of talking. Maybe my buddy will make me feel better. Tomorrow. If she's there. G'nite.
