THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN EDITED TO REMOVE ALL OBSCENITIES.
Nothing has been done with the site. It, along with many arguments in the past few days, may be key factors to my slow decline of sanity. I appologize ahead of time if any foul language appears in the following entry. But it does work so much better than caps in terms of emphasis. And let me tell you,
I F***ING HATE PEOPLE. I promise, that's the last of them, unless damn, hell, or ass offend you too. Today became the worst of the year so far as it progressed. School wasn't so bad until third block, gym, when we had to swim. Water means hell for black hair in its natural form, in case you missed that speech in the last entry or so. Yes, unlike what might be close to 90% of the black community, I am one of the few females to have gotten a perm. And everyday I see these chicks flicking it around, light as a feather, smooth, shiny, and COMBABLE. But I'm over that. That's not what pissed me off today.
Of course, I don't want to fail gym, so I did what I was told, or tried to anyway. I can't swim. I was choking so much. He was telling us to do all these different types of strokes and whatnot, and each one took me further into the afro zone. My hair takes centuries to dry. I can't just stand under the dryer like all the pretty little straight haired girls. Uhm...I hope I'm not offending anyone with this. So anyway, I had to finish off the day with wet hair. I cut a club meeting because I couldn't deal with that for fifth block too. So I went home and blow dryed my hair for like the first time in ages. It is so much work, and to no avail. My hair is so coarse that sometimes I feel like I'm going to cut my fingers on it. Mom...how do you do it?
Ok. So I got over that. Like I said before and will say time and time again, there is no one worth impressing in this school. I do feel better about myself if my hair is presentable, but whatever. I'm gonna try to have one of the girls in the house braid it up for me. Hopefully, she is one to finish the job. Otherwise her fee shall be reduced. Slowly but surely, I began to get a migraine. I don't believe I spelled that correctly. Big deal. Then, after study hall, there was nothing offered to cure it, except for perhaps being able to talk to my bf for a bit. And by a bit, I mean a BIT. Once again, the Sophmore came to interrupt my phone time. So, she wanted to call her mom. Of course I was stalling, asking her all kinds of questions. And then the DOGmatic Aries gets involved, the other senior. Somehow, over these years, she's gotten the idea that she has authority over me and all under her in this house and that I do not have the right to speak up for myself. She said something to the effect of, "Don't be tryna get bold, I know I'm bold." In other words, "I'm the bit** and I'm the only one to have a say in this house, and it takes precedence over all of your opinions." Sure, from an outside view, she was defending the sophmore, because I was trying to get over. But to kill two birds with one stone, she was also trying to order me around. In the past, I have been pretty passive about that, but because of the people in this house in the first place, I have learned to become agressive. I feel like I dismissed my bf in the rudest way, and I wish I could appologize, but I was so f***ing pissed. Oh...my bad, that's two.
Within the last week, he has had to endure me screaming over the phone at someone else, in my own defense, and guess who the matador was? This has been an issue from day one. She was confronted by the other girls at some point about it, about her talking to people the wrong way (her friends seem to accept it), me in particular, and she still won't f*** off. Ugh. Third time's the charm. I had to jump into the shower to calm my nerves. And as always, tears are my most extreme form of venting. I am not ashamed. It is not a weakness. To be weak would be to back down. Tears are really not so different from perspiration, so I shed them as often as I need to.
If there was anything good about today, an old friend finally came to his senses. And another was reintroduced in my inking class. I feel like so long as I'm out of this house, be it at the art center, my friend's house, or elsewhere (school is excluded), there is peace. But when there are weeks like this, I just want to go home. And now that I have something else to cling to, even more so. Damn you, October. Get here already. I love you just the same November, when gym will finally be over and done. December, January...June. I know they say they'll be here all too soon, but I have yet to feel that. I'm going to call my fams tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to collapse of anger. Well...sleep will help. Good night.
