Site progress is steady...
I feel like such an ASS. When I first learned how to add this blog to my site, I considered the negative factors of posting it. And every now and then, they come to slap me in the face. But I've become dependant on writing out my thoughts to vent if I am not compelled to cry or draw out what I'm feeling. Well...I did cry tonight. I couldn't let them see though, for fear of them asking me about something I could never explain. Sometimes the past trails after you like a lost puppy and you can't help but want to comfort it. But you can't ever undo the abuse the pup has endured, so should you even try? I feel like I have to...but the pup only snaps at my hand, reminding me of my inability to do so. ...I dunno where this is going, but it helps me somehow. I just have to say that I'm sorry and there's nothing I can do about this... Even if I were to consider dropping him, what would that do? Could you live with it on your conscience that I may feel bad for him, for myself, for you and that I could remain miserable? There I go again, trying to flip the blame. But I suppose it's human nature, a way to make sense of things. I thought we were done. What was I supposed to do? You asking for a break again didn't exactly feel good. So I looked to be comforted by someone else. I guess part of love is being able to wait. But most first loves are never the last. And yes, I did feel love for you at a point and it lingers, otherwise I would have completely cast you aside by now. And though absence makes the heart grow fonder, time also heals all wounds, and unfortunately, that sometimes means in the hands of someone else. I was hurt. I couldn't wait for you. So I didn't. Sis liked him, Mom liked him, Dad liked him too. I never did have the heart to tell them about you. They define OLDR to be...imaginary and probably perverted if they manage to last. *cough* So I did try to tell them about you, otherwise I wouldn't know about their opinions on that. And my parents do matter. That's why it was so easy to go to him. Because they know, I feel like the bond is strengthened. I don't know why I'm even trying to explain this to you. You will probably never have the heart to read this. I'm sorry... Goodbye...
A glimpse of the past...Captive Heart (Chp. 2) Ironic the circles we trod... Mind you, it has not come full circle yet.
