I have a mild sort of cold - runny nose and the sneezies. At least I'm not dying, but it's not much fun. So today I went to my host fams and my host dad was doing what is usually "the wife work". He's pretty good at keeping himself composed, so when I was complaining that I didn't want to eat much and didn't like this, that, and the other thing, he eventually flipped. And I was shocked. And I felt SO bad. And I wanted to go cry about it, 'cause, you know, I cry about everything. I hadn't had a clue that he was under pressure at all. I felt so horrible about what I'd done that I almost felt like I couldn't talk to him for the rest of the time with him. Only he assured me that I could so I did. It was odd to be scorned by someone who isn't quite your parent but is. Even though when it happens via the staff in the house...it's like...different still. Yea. So that was odd.
After about 2 hours at the fams, they all had to go somewheres, so I went to the Schachs (Mamalita & Papa Gino). I love them too. Oh yea. I know an illustrator! Go buy Skippyjon Jones! And all her other books too, because they're so adorable. Do it, NOW. I love everything about those two. Truly. I was talking to her about art in general and my whole downslide as of late. All the college stuff is driving me into a steep slump in terms of mood, creativity, everything. In fact, I'm beginning to really question my intelligence, my talent...everything. Thus far, I'm getting negative numbers. This process is making me too critical of myself and it's making me sick. Then when the accept/decline letters start rolling in, that'll only make matters worse. But the really stressful part is getting there. Just thinking of all the essays I have to write... GAG. And to think, I love to write. But I'm not going to go any further with this because then I'd feel that much worse.
For whatever reason, I bought JoJo's album the other day. I don't know what in my right mind possessed me to do that. I mean, it's not bad, but...the rock thing has taken over and it just feels odd listening to it. Maybe it was some weird sort of nostalgia. It was either her or Fefe Dobson. I think I let the other two girls I was with lead me astray. Whatever. Fefe will join us next week. Mmmf...I need to go find a getup for homecoming. Approximately 12 days until then. I'm so excited, and I just can hide it. Yes. I meant can. All this college business is making me so apathetic towards everything. Music and drawing aren't quite working as escape routes. It's those phone calls that're helping me to cope. Strange, but true. I have to write to mum before she beats me.
Stress stinks. Arrid doesn't work. Yep. I'm so tired, cuzza this cold. Bedtime. G'nite.
